Let me preclude this entry with saying that no one needs to worry about me.
Lately, I have been having feelings of not being worthy. Worthy to have a successful career, in the field that I worked so hard to get into. Having long term relationships. Of ever having someone, outside of my family, who truly cares for me. Or even wanting to get to know me.
I have tried numerous dating sites, and not one person wanting to get to know me. It's bad enough, thinking that I probably don't have anything to offer anyone; but to have that reflected back just hurts. What is so awful about me, what is so truly repugnant, that people can't take the time to see what is inside. For the whole of my life, or so it seems, I have had to battle with the public's conception of what and who I am.
I know that growing up, I did not take the best of care in my appearance, that I probably come off as just bizarre. Please someone interrupt me when I have gone too far. But, how can one change one's appearance or attitude, when no one approaches her and says, "Hey, I know that you have had it rough, but there are people out there that truly care about what happens to you."
Sorry just had to get that off my chest.
4 comments:
Sabrina - I know at times when we are down, things that people may say to try and cheer us, might not always cheer us.....I've been there lately myself. But just wanted to offer my thoughts to you and let you know that I am sorry for what you are going through. I'm sure it is very hard. You are one person who has always had a special place in my heart. You were always so kind to me....all through school, and for that, I have never forgotten you. Thank you for touching my life. Know that I am thinking of you and keeping a prayer in my heart that you will find that special someone to spend the rest of your life with, and when you do, he will be a very lucky man!
Thanks, Sarah. You made me cry. You are so awesome.
It had been a while since I had looked at your blog and saw this today. Sometimes i feel the same way. I struggle with the thought that there is someone out there for me. I went to an institute class last night that reiterated the truth that when we don't have a way, the Lord will make one for us. I know its hard to think about and wrap your head around, but if we are obedient to Christ, he will ultimately bless us. I think that is the true test of our faith. By the way, I have had no luck whatsoever with match.com. I don't think its so much about appearances or confidence. Its timing. You are a beautiful person, don't let anybody drag you down because you are not what the world thinks is beautiful. I am no beauty myself in the eyes of the world, but I know in the Lord's eyes, I am important. I worry about you, and know I am here for you!
Sabrina, I hope you are doing well. I just stumbled across your blog. Chin up, my dear. There are people out there who care about you! Like me! :)
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