We Are All Human

I don't know how many people actually read my blog, or even care. But, I really don't care because this is a sounding board for me, for the most part. Since, I don't make friends easily. That comes from having a troubled childhood.

I hate that people have these little traits, habits, and so forth that society deems in a way that is either good or bad. Take for example, the school shootings, most recently in Connecticut. I wish people would stop saying that it was because so and so was bullied, a loner, and such what not. Or the adults saying that they had no idea, or that nothing was reported. They are both such cop outs. I WAS BULLIED, STALKED, and HURT. There was not even one time that I ever thought to turn my pain on those that would do that. I just wished that they would get to know me.

Really, what is so wrong with me? Don't we as a people get enough of being told what society wants us to hear. Look at the glorification of selfish behavior, and zero self-accountability. One of facebook friends shared a story on how a child that is supposedly ADHD and OCD said that she needed to be a leader in this group, because they needed to do what she told them to do. What is my generation and younger teaching their progeny? That it's not their problem, but someone else's. You don't have to do the work, but you will get all the rewards.  Society's code of conduct isn't even stable, look at what happens if a girl believes a guys' pleading. She is a slut, but he is stud. They both have that sin, yes I said that evil word and I will say it again, sin but only one is stoned in societies purview. 

Instead, of saying that kids can be cruel, lets take the time to teach our children what is acceptable and what is not. I mean it! Stop watching the comedies that say it is amusing, if someone gets hurt by what another says or does, or the shows that say that it is alright if you don't apply yourself, as long as you meet the public's image of beauty and popularity.

I say it is time for a new kind of revolution. Not a revolution of blood, but of returning to kindness, simplicity, LOVE. Take the time, to teach character, that its alright if things don't go the way you have wanted. That putting someone else before yourself is strength, not weakness. If someone isn't liked, or doesn't seem to have any aquaintaces, to say the least. DON"T LET THEM SHUT YOU OUT!!!! And, I am talking from personal experience. I have a very difficult time talking about myself. Because, most people wouldn't show me the kindness of getting to know me and finding my interesting.

DRAW THEM OUT!!!!

I can list all of my insecurities that society says that means that I am not worthy. One, for example, I have a slight speech impediment. Years of speech therapy and I still have to work on how I say the words, or if I have the correct word. So, I will never be a wonderful oratator, and some times my spelling will not be correct.I am human, oh wait we are all human.

Contemplation

I just can't help, but feel supremely lonely, at the moment.  A friend and I were talking yesterday, and he reminded me about how much I was tormented in High School. I am not saying this to put any one down, I did have some really good friends.

But, it got me to thinking. Have I really changed from high school? Have any of us really changed? I am still very lonely. In the past I enjoyed Halloween, but now all it does is feel me with dread. All halloween is, anymore, is the reminder that the family/loved one holidays are coming. Four months of reminding me of the blessings, I have not been allowed to have. Please, don't get me wrong; I love seeing my siblings and their children, and how much they have grown. How every day, most people know of the emotion of knowing that no matter what, they are LOVED and CARED for.

What Is My Major Mental Disorder?!

What in the world is my serious mental affliction? Why is it that I am seemingly incapable of having or creating friends? Or, even those that can inveigle upon me some sense of appreciation, nay even a concern about me?

Why is it that I try to do the correct thing, or even stand up for myself, it is still incorrect? If the rules are that NO ONE does such and such a thing, then why is alright for everyone else to do it, and not me? Take for example, it is seemingly alright for people to sit down and have fun, or even to have a small break, once in awhile; but I do that for even a minute and it is wrong.

No matter, what I try to accomplish it never seems to go the way it should. I am educated, but am always in menial work. I love working with people, but people seem to have an intense dislike for me. I can't seem to ask questions, but everyone else can ask the questions that I have and even have them answered or acknowledged.

I am not a person that is comfortable in the masses. Never have been. I am not comfortable having any type of spotlight on me. I know that there are a lot more people out there that are better suited for such limelight. That is, not to say, that I dislike having some praise; but I just seem to not do anything worthy of praise.

I can't seem to show any interest in others' lives, at least how they seem to think I should. I can't ask questions, because it should be, in their words 'none of my concern'. So, how can one have any type of life; if all one is told is that they are defective.

Ruminating on antecedent repercussions

As the event of my birth, draws ever closer. I begin to question why I am here. Not in the way of positional versus fate; but in a deep and ever thoughtful quest.

I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for me, and all I can say is that evidently I am not learning the lesson He thinks that I need to grasp. What is it about me that makes everyone eschew from? This is not something that I have recently been pondering either. Yes, I am reserved, but I still do enjoy life. I love everyone, with the exceptional few; but they are still my spiritual kin. I know what I like, try to ask for help.

Wait, maybe that is my issue. With the exception of a few choice people, I rarely get any help. THANKS MOM & DAD!!! Or, if I ask a question, I either get overlooked or treated with abhorrence. It does not help that I was one of those people in school. You know the ones I am referring to. So that has left me feeling like I really don't deserve a lot.

Now, I am by no means a Saint; but I do try my best. I can continuously ramble about my insufficiencies in the world of social graces. Maybe because I was sick a lot as a child, or possibly other reasons that are not fit to post to the world in general.

Hopefully, this year will better. Thank you for reading the unwanted musings of my mind.

Diabetes

Two months ago, I was diagnosed with Diabetes, so not only am I trying to live a life of singlehoodness; but also a life with diabetes. Some people I work with are great, and some a just special spirits.

So, instead of having a blog about being single in a married world; I should change this into a commentary about living a life that is full of challenges. With no further ado's, let me present this challenge.

I could really use your help. As you may or may not know, I am participating in the Step Out for Diabetes walk that is coming up on 09/24 in the beautiful city of Salt Lake. I am really falling behind on the fundraising part. Please follow the link and search for my name, I would really appreciate it. Go to www.diabetes.org/stepout, pick on donate and enter Sabrina Putman, or Team Unity. Your donation will help in finding a cure for this disorder. Please and Thank you.

Osama bin Laden

I am saddened by the deaths that this person caused, and the fact that every one is centered on the US deaths. This man caused so many deaths, instead of talking he would attack.

Now, I know that there was some animosity he held towards, almost everyone on the planet. But he is also a testament to what holding on to that anger, and hate can do to a person. He is still a child of our Heavenly Father, he is still our brother. So, I do not understand why the world is celebrating the death of a soul. Yes, his works were evil; but, we do not know everything about his life, that would make him want to make war upon a person, group, or nation.

I say that this is a time for some reflection, on the past ten years, on our values and beliefs, on everything. I remember that after the attack on the World Trade Center how the nation came together, and for six months every one cared for one another. Now, questions on if the President was born on U.S. soil or not, if you don't like another person's music, or even the atmosphere of partying.

Heavenly Father, please help my brother bin Laden, to find the peace that through his actions, he could not find here in his second estate.

Jesus taught that we should turn the other cheek, be humble unto are fellow people, and not treat each other with contempt or derision. Look at the person on the bus, in the car next to you, standing in line; what is your first thought, is it kind, understanding, or one of rudeness.

Our society is slowing going down a road of no one else is right, but I'm right. Where political correctness is running rampant. I am not saying that all the changes that have happened in the past 200 plus years are wrong. Equality is good, Racism in our language is slowly going away. But, when did it ever become alright to hate another person, just based on the color of their skin.

Diabetes

This week, I was diagnosed with Diabetes. I am just frustrated that I tried not to get this disease and still got it. So, the reason that I am posting this to the world is first, I would like to participate in the Step Out for Diabetes walk that is happening here in Salt Lake City, on September 24. So if anyone would like to join my team, hook up with me and I will tell you when you can register. Or you can also help with raising money for research.